I have my father's nose and feet. I have my mother's cheeks. I share my sister's laugh. I have my maternal grandmother's eyes. I am the combination of these traits and features. But there is so much more than the physical. I am made up of the shared reels and YouTube shorts between my colleagues. The music taste of countless folk who have recommended a song to me. The hand-me-down clothes from my hairdresser. The somewhat unfortunate interactions with ChatGPT, my Google search history, and my TikTok algorithm.
I am the love of the same best friend since I was 5. The warmth of all the other close friendships and relationships that I'm so lucky to have maintained throughout the years. The way someone will see something by The Darkness or Tim Minchin and think of me. The multiple ways in which I am remembered: my fear of cheese, the sunflower seed that got stuck in my ear, the girl who loves chicken, and a zumba lover. For being the trash goblin. Or Twinkle Toes the elf. I am comprised of my volunteering in Poland and the stories of the Canvey Island monster I regaled. I am all the nicknames I've been called. I am known for my height (or lack of). Known as an Essex girl.
I am made up of all the gigs, theatre shows, and musicals that I've attended. The countries I've visited and lived in. The van life in New Zealand and the teaching abroad in France and Portugal. I am the AI girl. I am the blog girl. I am a lover of linens and Le Creuset. The thrill of a good charity shop and thrift session. The driver of my late father's 2002 Nissan Almera. I am my old YouTube videos, and my failed contact juggling era. The old Skype and MSN conversations and webcam sessions. The times spent watching VHS and playing on the PlayStation 1 and 2. The Gameboy and the silly little Facebook games that became far too addictive. The caravan trips with grandparents. The Spanish holidays with them, too. I am my degree in linguistics and dissertation on Straight White Boys. I am the creator of unfinished short stories and silly little dance routines that don't get posted anywhere.
I exist within others' stories of me, and that is a beautiful thing, even if they're not always positive.
I am comprised of so many things. Many of them... truly lovely. It is sometimes worth remembering that.
