Bus Journeys

Sat on a bus. Crawling in traffic. Condensation on windows. The unmistakable hint of a crudely drawn penis. Passengers coughing. Teenagers screeching. Tinny music played from a mobile. The familiar scent of too many bodies, cramped in one place. Darkness outside. This is my experience of public transport. Twice a day. Five times a week.

However, you must understand that on the whole, I have nothing against public transport. What I have a problem with is the people who use public transport.

Now, I know I am one of these people. I realise I'm being a tad hypocritical given that I've probably made many a bus journey unpleasant for those around me because I'm sharing (perhaps a little too enthusiastically) tales of my internet adventures. Or because me and my friends are having a loud discussion of whereabouts we have curtains in our homes (that was actually a conversation we had, which took a surprisingly long time... it was pretty in depth).

However, there seems to be a very specific group of people who have been bred to make some journeys somewhat of an endurance test. I have personally noticed about three main categories that have served to make my experience of public transport somewhat more interesting.

There's probably always going to be a creepy old man on there, somewhere. He might offer you a sweet (that happened once), an invite to his home, or he may just give you a sly wink. But yes, there always seems to be one lurking. Normally with a particular aroma.

At the time I use public transport, there always seems to be school children. Now, you can ignore their constant chatter, their blithering on and on about absolutely nothing. Or you can make loud remarks to yourself and offend them that way. Or you can always chat them up (I don't recommend asking school children to marry you. It doesn't work. And I'm pretty sure it's illegal).

Also, being from the place I am from, there seems to be the omnipresence of the local Jeremy Kyle lot. (I've actually found that the more likely you are to wear animal print leggings with a body warmer, the more likely you'll probably be one of these people.) I don't get how some of these people are even still alive, in all honesty. The conversations you overhear on the bus are amusing, that's for sure. Today it was about stolen DVD's, but I've heard court cases, jail sentences, affairs, the lot.

So I suppose without these people the journeys would be a little dull, and I must say I've met some really great people on the bus, the pensioners are normally a great lot who can provide you with an anecdote or two.

It's not all bad, I guess.