The Sober Truth

"i love yoIUU" she typed into her phone, not thinking as she sent yet another drunken text to Sam. Her phone vibrated, flashing as it told her "Please stop this Caroline". The problem was, she didn't know how to stop. How could she? The alcohol trickling through her system, providing her with that brief moment of courage to project her feelings. Although, this wasn't the first time. It probably wouldn't be the last. Determined to win his heart, she had often found herself in a drunken state, sat staring at her phone, releasing the feelings she harboured deep inside when sober.

The problem was- the feelings were never reciprocated. They never had been. At least, nobody she had wanted. Did she even know what she wanted? Not really. She was a twenty year old, no real prospects in life, no purpose. She just wanted to feel acceptance. She didn't even need love, just some attention would suit her. So she sat, at the bar- the bar in which all her friends sat too, friends that consisted off old school pals who often lost contact with her unless they wanted something. Caroline didn't mind, at least it gave her a chance to listen to people whose lives were actually more problematic than her own.

The sorry stories had begun with one of her best friends, Sarah. Although fun to be around the majority of the time, Sarah often dramatised issues to a point where even Caroline questioned their validity. Caroline wondered if she really did need to know about her dogs stomach problems, or the relationship issues she was facing, all of which she really couldn't give a fuck about. Had she been honest with Sarah, Caroline would have told her that if her dog really did need to undergo life-threatening surgery, then perhaps she should stop feeding it so much. And if she really did need a boyfriend that desperately, maybe she should stop flaunting herself at every given opportunity to every potential male she met. None of this was spoken aloud, however. That just wasn't her style. No, she would contain her feelings until it was likely she would burst.

Unfortunately for Caroline the explosion came sooner than expected.