I'm now 28. So here comes an update.
View the original here (when I was nearly 19) and the following advice (when I was nearly 22) and then my advice from there on (when I was 25).
I've wanted to write this post for a while. It's been difficult to start typing every single time.
It's hard.
It's really hard.
The past few years have been sad. Incredibly so. More than words can contain. And yet! There has been so much pure joy. You're here. And managed it. Not particularly well. But you're still here. I'm proud of you! Please keep going.
Let's look over our advice, eh?
That little glimpse of COVID you experienced? It doesn't truly get better, not for a while, then when you think things are kinda over the peak -
Your father dies from it.
Your entire family will decrease by half.
You will travel to Portugal and teach in the best place you've ever known. You find glorious, wonderful people there. They are good. So very good. In amongst living with people who are definitely not quite so good. Your grief is made both better and yet more difficult knowing you are in such a lovely place, but feeling so honestly terrible.
You should've started therapy far sooner than you have (I know you tried that once, it doesn't count, you are doing so much better knowing you are with a good therapist).
I believe in you so much. At least right now. You need to believe in yourself all the time.
The advice this time shall go:
Drink more water. Well, this one hasn't changed. You could still learn from this. Please do. More water, less everything else.
25-year-old-me: Again, this one is still very relevant, continue drinking water. You at least have the water bottle to do so sufficiently, now.
28-year-old-me: This is honestly the most important. Do this.
Learn. Just continue to learn. You still don't have the musical nor linguistic aptitude for any instrument or language. Don't dwell on it too much. Learn about things you do care about. Although you are trying to learn French now. But try harder with that one, please.
25-year-old-me: You did learn a little more French, but then you also went on to learn more about other things that intrigued you, so I'll give you that. Strive for such a thing continuously, though. Never stop your want to learn.
Learn. Just continue to learn. You still don't have the musical nor linguistic aptitude for any instrument or language. Don't dwell on it too much. Learn about things you do care about. Although you are trying to learn French now. But try harder with that one, please.
25-year-old-me: You did learn a little more French, but then you also went on to learn more about other things that intrigued you, so I'll give you that. Strive for such a thing continuously, though. Never stop your want to learn.
28-year-old-me: So, you've returned to Duolingo, eh? Do you think that will help? I hope so. It IS good so far.
Remember that not everyone is looking at you, or cares what you're doing. Still relevant. Stop worrying so much. And even if there are some people looking and caring about what you're doing... you know why? It's because they care. They want what's best for you.
25-year-old-me: You were very correct with this. Keep it in mind.
Remember that not everyone is looking at you, or cares what you're doing. Still relevant. Stop worrying so much. And even if there are some people looking and caring about what you're doing... you know why? It's because they care. They want what's best for you.
25-year-old-me: You were very correct with this. Keep it in mind.
28-year-old-me: Goodness. It really does not matter. Interesting how you'll take certain things on board, but honestly. Do you.
Don't regret dyeing your hair in random colours. However. Just know, green really doesn't come out. Like, ever. Ever. Also, don't worry that the thing you applied for didn't work out. It was an interesting experience. Take that and go with it.
25-year-old-me: You will dye your hair blonde during lockdown and although at first - you will regret the stripes - you will, in fact, enjoy it, and maybe you'll go back to another colour, but yes. Still don't regret such silly things. You will have few regrets from the past years but know that you can always be a more relaxed driver.
Don't regret dyeing your hair in random colours. However. Just know, green really doesn't come out. Like, ever. Ever. Also, don't worry that the thing you applied for didn't work out. It was an interesting experience. Take that and go with it.
25-year-old-me: You will dye your hair blonde during lockdown and although at first - you will regret the stripes - you will, in fact, enjoy it, and maybe you'll go back to another colour, but yes. Still don't regret such silly things. You will have few regrets from the past years but know that you can always be a more relaxed driver.
28-year-old-me: You will still find some dread in terms of dying hair. You will not continue past COVID. Your hair is healthier, but, you want to do more with it. It's not a bad thing that you've dyed it. It will make you think about hair colour long-term, though. But be warned, dry shampoo will get to your hair.
Do enjoy the fact you're no longer a person who has to always get ready if you don't plan on leaving the house. It's okay to not put on jeans. You're unsure why you never enjoyed the luxury of sweatpants before. Embrace it. Also, do go swimming more. You miss it. So just do it.
25-year-old-me: This year was good for swimming, in the first few months, anyway. Otherwise, you have most certainly embraced the non-jean lifestyle, when it is the time and place to, so congrats. I would say, you do need to look out for those who don't have your best interests at heart. It's okay to lose people who don't belong in your life.
25-year-old-me: This year was good for swimming, in the first few months, anyway. Otherwise, you have most certainly embraced the non-jean lifestyle, when it is the time and place to, so congrats. I would say, you do need to look out for those who don't have your best interests at heart. It's okay to lose people who don't belong in your life.
28-year-old-me: You shower when needed. That's good. Think about everything else.
Appreciate the time you have at university. It goes really fucking quick. Appreciate that things turn out well, eventually. Appreciate that you will eventually know what you're going to write your dissertation about, and you will, at some point, be able to read it back. Maybe even appreciate the house fire and how it made you think just how little time you had left to complete your work and made you get shit done. Silver linings and all that.
25-year-old-me: You did a fine job of the uni thing. Feel good about it. You then had that spell of not knowing. That's okay too. You found your thing, for a bit. Continue to work and think about the next step. You'll never know when you can't actively enjoy such things. Pandemic or not. Appreciate the friends you have gained throughout these years, and perhaps, even more, the friendships you've retained. They're the real ones.
28-year-old-me: You always said to appreciate time with loved ones and you will regret the fact you didn't get to have end moments with them. You will appreciate the new, lovely friendships you've made from being in new places. And the random friendships among the way.
Try not to get too scared about the future. You should really keep this one in mind still. It sucks that you have little idea about what the future holds. You find a way, eventually. Things go well for you academically. You're gonna do some fun things. You're also going to struggle to find a sense of purpose. It sort of comes to you. Try not to worry if you change your mind. Try to stop making bad decisions, but move and learn from them when you do. It's the only way you can.
25-year-old-me: I had some good advice, there. You are going to have trouble sleeping with the worry of it all. You will worry about a lot of things. You are still lucky enough to be surrounded by loved ones, and people who support you. You will learn new skills (of the DIY, entire house renovation variety, and y'know, that will be a good thing). Amongst a heap of other bits.
28-year-old-me: You then had the fun of clearing your childhood home out after losing loved ones. You're lucky you had people to help you. You will still have issues sleeping. But that actually gets better, for the most part. For now, try to aim for something you truly want in terms of your career. You're getting there. You will do this, even if it's not anything you could have imagined from your past experiences. It's been a learning curve. A thing to remember: try not to get caught at the Zambian border again.
Appreciate the time you have at university. It goes really fucking quick. Appreciate that things turn out well, eventually. Appreciate that you will eventually know what you're going to write your dissertation about, and you will, at some point, be able to read it back. Maybe even appreciate the house fire and how it made you think just how little time you had left to complete your work and made you get shit done. Silver linings and all that.
25-year-old-me: You did a fine job of the uni thing. Feel good about it. You then had that spell of not knowing. That's okay too. You found your thing, for a bit. Continue to work and think about the next step. You'll never know when you can't actively enjoy such things. Pandemic or not. Appreciate the friends you have gained throughout these years, and perhaps, even more, the friendships you've retained. They're the real ones.
28-year-old-me: You always said to appreciate time with loved ones and you will regret the fact you didn't get to have end moments with them. You will appreciate the new, lovely friendships you've made from being in new places. And the random friendships among the way.
Try not to get too scared about the future. You should really keep this one in mind still. It sucks that you have little idea about what the future holds. You find a way, eventually. Things go well for you academically. You're gonna do some fun things. You're also going to struggle to find a sense of purpose. It sort of comes to you. Try not to worry if you change your mind. Try to stop making bad decisions, but move and learn from them when you do. It's the only way you can.
25-year-old-me: I had some good advice, there. You are going to have trouble sleeping with the worry of it all. You will worry about a lot of things. You are still lucky enough to be surrounded by loved ones, and people who support you. You will learn new skills (of the DIY, entire house renovation variety, and y'know, that will be a good thing). Amongst a heap of other bits.
28-year-old-me: You then had the fun of clearing your childhood home out after losing loved ones. You're lucky you had people to help you. You will still have issues sleeping. But that actually gets better, for the most part. For now, try to aim for something you truly want in terms of your career. You're getting there. You will do this, even if it's not anything you could have imagined from your past experiences. It's been a learning curve. A thing to remember: try not to get caught at the Zambian border again.
Hindsight is still a wonderful thing. Catch me here in another few years.
It's gonna be a ride.
You did get that new laptop, at least.
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